All time low

Just to let you know: I know who you are, i have your ‘ * ’ message, but i will not drag you, let me explain you my reasons of WHY i left the fandom:

So, i was literally so fucking invested in him, he was my life, i LOVED him, yeah it was ‘LOVE’ i was crazy, seriously all i could think about was him, it was fucked up, and i didnt realized that, until i started noticing my health, and my grades, i wasnt sleeping at all, and i fuck you not all i could think about was HIM, i was crazy, and that bought me problems with my friends and my family, people started ‘bullying’ me, did i gave a fuck? nu uh, i didnt, he started bullshitting himself more and more, and more, and i was stuck, people was always yelling at me, ‘WHY DO YOU LIKE THAT DRUG ADDICT?’, and i gave them my reasons, i was ALWAYS trying to protect him and myself from people who were yelling rude things, and i was SO tired, i couldnt do it anymore, I WAS FUCKED UP,  i didnt left, i just needed a year for myself, i needed to focus on myself and stop thinking about him, because I SERIOUSLY RATED to focus on him than in me, thats wrong, i was depressed as HELL, i was not eating, i wasnt sleeping, my grades were awful, that was not his fault that was my fault, i decided to put him over myself because i hated myself so much i needed something i could love to FEEL something else than the self hate and rage i felt inside of me, and i decided to love him, but i did it in a very wrong way, and i couldnt understand that, i told everybody that i ‘left’ the fandom because ‘he was reckless’, that is not true, i couldnt accept myself, i needed to love myself, i needed to focus on myself, that was the year he left, he left, i left, i dont know about him, but i got ‘better’ i was happier, i was smiling, i gained wheight, YES i had my ups and downs, but i was focusing on myself, i told him so many times i missed him, i kept listening to his music, journals is the only album i dont have in a physical copy, but i know EVERY SONG, and then in the VMAS i realized he was okay, i realized i was okay, and i broke down crying when he did so, im not saying i depend on him to be happy, i used to, now i can focus on myself, AND in him, not only him, im better now, YES i have my ups and downs, and im sure he does to, but i LOVE him as much as i used to before i left, i know, a year is a lot of time, i know is not that easy just to say ‘HEY GUYS IM BACK IN THE FANDOM AGAIN, IM A BELIEBER AGAIN’ no, that is not what im saying, im giving him my support and love, thats all, please just dont judge me, and try to understand my reasons.